no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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