New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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