you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
