Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
