paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
