someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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