Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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