I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
