Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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