Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
