I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
