I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
