If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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