i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
