This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just forgot I was standing up.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
