You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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