You can't special order awesome
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
