I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
