I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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