We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
