There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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