highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
