i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
