you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
