It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
