Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
