do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
