Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
