why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
NoShamevember. You game?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
