you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
