I faked an abortion last night.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
