I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
