porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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