You can't motorboat a personality
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
