well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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