do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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