My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Randomize
