You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
