Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
