I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
