if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
