i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
pray to the hookup gods
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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