Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
bring money and cleavage
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
