Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
