If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
