P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
