I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
