I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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