so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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