Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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