If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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