i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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