I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
