Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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