That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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