i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
