I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
