Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
