upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
