NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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