i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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