I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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