Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
