He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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