so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
