I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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