I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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