I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
