I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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