I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
