8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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