That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
