awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
