Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
